I have said before
and meant it
(with only slight exaggeration)
that I am never bored.
For this I owe many thanks
to my brain.
He plugs into the cosmic internet
of information and analysis
and takes me to places
I have never been before.
“How strange it is!” I thought,
when I first learned how to think,
that we can learn
just by thinking.
I did not yet know the Great Power of my Mighty Brain.
I relentlessly followed Him down doldrums of self-analysis
expecting to come out the other side a more complete person
but He was unyielding and obsessive.
I lost my heart
and found myself in the swamp of self-hatred.
I fed my brain the fodder of thought.
Anything that could not make it past His stiff hand
was not allowed to be a part of me.
I struggled against the pain and suffering He had unknowingly led me towards
unconsciously
absconding myself
further into the tangled web of an overly sharpened intellect.
Until one day it became clear,
through the thick smoke of rationality,
that I was surrounded by a wall of swords.
And anywhere I turned to think,
would impale me.
How do you fight against the sharp edges of your intellect?
Of course it is not the case
That we continue to harden
to combat our inner hardness.
I was left with no choice
but to soften.
It seems like a great sacrifice at first—
willing your mind to quiet down a bit
but He is just one of many senses we have been gifted
to take in the world
and attempt to understand it.
Letting go of the tight grip I held on this mighty Man
I slowly deflated
until I fit into the spaces
where the mind is not able to venture.
I took on shapes
with rounded out edges
and realized I was more easily able to meld together
with other
softer
shapes.
I fell from the height
of knowing that I knew best
and landed on
the tender ground
of my heart.
When it really gets quiet up there
and He begrudgingly takes a backseat,
just for a moment,
I realize that I already know
exactly what I need.
It just lives a little bit closer to earth
a little bit deeper in me
than He’d like me to believe.
